School, Stress, and the Inevitable Summer Reflections

Now, before I officially begin this post, I feel as though I should warn you that it might be a bit scattered. And when I say a bit, I mean a lot.

Since my last post in May (was it really May? It seems like it was sooner.) a lot has happened. So, lets get down to business.

(You're lying if you say that you weren't at least subconsciously thinking this) 

Over the entire summer, I was incredibly stressed. Which sounds strange, I know. Summer is supposed to be the time that you are free from stress, and you have the chance to recharge. Unfortunately, that wasn't what happened.

The two main sources of my stress were the fact that my mom was in the Netherlands, and that I was uncertain as to what to do about school.

Since my mom was in the Netherlands, my brother and I were the ones making sure Grandma was ok. (For clarification: my grandma lives with us, and can be unsteady on her feet so we wanted to make sure that she wouldn't accidentally fall and break something.)

While this an extreme example, it is what my brother and I wanted to avoid.

As for school, my mom and dad were both encouraging me to figure out what I wanted to do after college, so that I could make sure I was going to the right college. After a lot of prayer, thought, research, and tears, I came to the conclusion that God is calling me to be a special education teacher, and that Christendom wouldn't help me achieve that in the way that I needed it to.

I was really reluctant to let my parents know about this decision, partly because I wanted to go back to Christendom, and partly because it was close to when I had to leave for college when I came to this realization. And when I say close, I mean within two weeks of my flight.

However, I knew that they would be upset if I didn't tell them, so one evening, I texted my dad and asked what he thought if I decided not to go back to Christendom.

In the following two hours, there was a speaker-phone call, tears, and a decision was made. I would not be returning to Christendom.

This was me for about 2 weeks. I just couldn't stop crying.

The following weeks were a flurry of teary phone calls with friends, figuring out how to get personal belongings back, teary realizations, applying to community college, and, of course, more tears.

Unfortunately, I forgot to contact some of my friends, some of whom I want to remain close to. Hopefully they weren't too upset to arrive at school and hear from other people that I wasn't coming back...

In the end, I did end up getting into community college, and I also got two jobs. So I've been very busy lately.

Overall, I think that this summer, though it was very stressful, it was worth it. The stress paid off, and I feel as though I'm working towards what I want to do. And I know that the friends I made at Christendom will be life-long friends. And you just can't beat that feeling.

I freaking love my friends

Regarding What I've Learned at College

I feel as though time passes by far too quickly.

This time last year, I was stressing about high school, trying to figure out who my room mate(s) would be, and being worried about whether or not I would survive college.

Now, I'm still stressed, though more about grades, trying to figure out whether or not to make curtains for the dorm room, and trying to finish a year of a Dutch course in about three weeks.

For whatever reason, though, I feel as through stressing about high school was only yesterday, and that college was some strange dream.  I keep on reminding myself that it did happen, and that I have friends who were there and can confirm the craziness that happened. (Rachel, Alex, and Monica to name of few of said friends.  And I got to know Emily better, which was great.)

I thought it might be prudent to give a list of things I've learned since going to college, for, as Rachel pointed out, lists are pretty darn cool, and anyone who says otherwise is a fool. And, lists make me feel as though I've accomplished something in life. So, here is a list of the non-scholarly things I've realized since going to college last autumn.

1. There are some tests you will feel completely prepared for, but then realize you were terribly wrong.  It's ok, this happens to everyone.
2. Mac-n-cheese parties are great, and will usually end up with you watching ridiculous youtube videos.
3. Going into town with friends is always fun.
4. Especially if you're going to go out to eat.
5. Never trust a friend with a iPhone camera... They will take lots of pictures when you're not prepared.
6. Going to see movies is always fun.
7. It is impossible to go into town without seeing someone from college.
8. Turabian is of the devil. And no one truly understands it. Not even the professors truly know what's going on with it.
9. If you mention Original Sin, someone will comment on its after-affects.
10. Getting ready for formals is a lot of fun
11. The birthday singers deserve an award for doing what they do.
12. If your sink is clogged, a metal hanger can do wonders.
13. When you are able to fix things without having to put in a maintenance request, you end up feeling like MacGyver.

This is MacGyver displaying my sense of accomplishment.

14. If you are in a bunkbed, there will be, without a doubt, a night where you laugh so hard that you almost fall off.
15. Falling off of a bunkbed is not fun.
16. If you end up on crutches, people will end up remembering about it the following semester, much to your chagrin.
17. Nothing brings people together like fandoms.
18. Or reading Sophocles together and acting out the Furies in class, thus creeping out the teacher by how well you are able to portray them.
19. Singing is fun.
20. Singing Frozen when it's snowing is especially fun.
21. Knocking on doors and singing "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" is always acceptable.
22. Nicknames between friends are cool.
23. But if someone tries to steal a nickname and call said friend by said nickname is not cool.
24. Pizza is especially delicious on Friday nights.
25. Blond, angry Jesus' eyes at the National Basilica follow you.
26. Blond, angry Jesus is also referred to as 'Beachboard Jesus'

In case you're wondering, this is blond, angry Jesus. Alternatively known as Beachboard Jesus.
These names come from the campus chaplain and a friend's mom, respectively.
No disrespect toward the Big Guy is intended in saying these things.

27. Women run the Church. (Also something the campus chaplain said)
28. There is an infestation of freshman.
29. People who live near Canada are known to have gone up to Canada at least once. They think this is normal.
30. The Romans invented hip-hop.
31. English class can be referred to as hell with the teachers permission.
32. Number 31 has happened. Though, to clarify, it was one of my favorite classes, and thus, not at all hellish.
33. "Rite of Spring", a ballet by Igor Stravinsky, caused a riot in Paris the night it premiered.
34. I should never be allowed to access google when I'm sleepy or in a very inquisitive mood, as will be detailed by 35 and 36.
35. Eye spams can be brought on by either stress, dry eyes, lack of sleep, or cancer.
36. Tea bags are made from a paper similar to that of coffee filters, but were originally in silk pouches as tea sellers would give out samples in them. The customers misunderstood, and just put the silk pouches in their hot water. Thus, the tea bag was invented.
37. The napkin incident is not referred to. EVER.

38. I dance like Molly Ringwald in "The Breakfast Club"

 

39. It is prudent to unlock your word-hoard.
40. Friends mock how friends say words.
41. The Christendom bubble, though not impenetrable, is very difficult to pop.
42. Anime is cool.
43. Manga is also cool.
44. It's ok to speak solely in sound affects. In fact, it's occasionally encouraged.
45. Falafel is delicious!
46. Pennsylvania has some magical thrift stores.
47. Friends are a good place to find good great new music.
48. One should be extremely careful when microwaving popcorn, muffins, and ramen. Failure to due so will result in one's microwave privileges being revoked.
49. Puns are cool.

And finally, #50: You don't need a fortune cookie if you have Jesus.

Contemplating Families

It is always strange to stay at other people's houses. 

This week, it's my spring break. Which is great, because I really needed time off from the normal humdrum of school life.

The Doctor agrees that it was time for a break.

I've been staying at the lovely Ally's house for this week, since a plane ticket back home cost too much. But I can't complain, because both she and her family (including the wonderful Athena) have been really welcoming.

I have to admit though, it has been really different from my home life.

As you might remember, I only have one elder brother, Ryan. Which makes the house to be pretty quiet, for the most part. On the other hand, Ally is the eldest of five, with the youngest being nine. This, of course, means that there is always something going on, whether it be school, or a silly argument, or anything else. It's actually been nice to spend time with her family, because they are so different from my own. It makes me realize how grateful I am for only having one elder sibling.

Not to say that big families are a bad thing!

It's just that I'm very introverted, almost painfully so. I've learned how to disguise it fairly well, but if you throw me in a large group of people I'll just listen to what others have to say, rather than speak up. There are even times when I'm just with my family when I just stay quiet, because I'd rather not interrupt. Or I just think about what I want to say for too long and, as a result, by the time I want to say something the flow of conversation has moved to a completely different topic.

This is me when I try to talk sometimes....

I imagine that if my immediate family were large, I would have adapted somehow. I honestly don't know how that would have worked out, possibly only because it didn't work out that way.

Anywho, I'm so glad that I've been able to spend time with Ally's family. They make me feel like I belong, which, although overwhelming at first, is really nice. It gives me a sense of security that, if I need to, I can talk to them about whatever, whenever. It makes me feel like I have a home away from home, and that is something that can't be replaced for anything.

Discerning Conversations

It’s weird how much one day, one conversation, or one moment can change your life.

               I've never really thought about it all that much before what happened a few weekends ago, because something happened that probably changed my life forever. 

               Before I begin to explain what happened, you should probably know that I’m a Catholic. (Roman Catholic to be specific, but unless you are Catholic that might not make sense to you.) Anyway, as a young woman who is a Catholic, I have to discern what God wants me to do. Of course, I could always just ignore what God wants me to do, but I don’t think that would end up too well.

               Anyway, a part of my (or anyone’s, I suppose) discernment, is that I have to figure out what type of lifestyle God is calling me to. There’s the well-known marriage route, but then there’s the also well-known, but not as acceptable to secular society consecrated life (whether that be in the convent or as a consecrated virgin), and there is, of course, the single life.

               Until a few weeks ago, I had kind of pushed away the possibility of the consecrated life. Of course, like many other Catholic girls, I had dreamed of being a nun when I was younger, but I never really gave it much consideration as I grew older. I did this because I thought that I should be a mother. However, I went to a talk that changed my viewpoint entirely.

               My college recently held a discernment weekend, where a bunch of priests, brothers, and sisters came out, and they gave talks. A married couple also gave a few talks, which was really good and helped me come to this realization even sooner.

               But anywho, during one of the talks that was given by a Dominican sister, she mentioned that all women are called to be mothers. She explained how feeling that way isn't a bad thing, and that even if you feel called to be a mother you should also look at the religious life, since sisters are the ‘mothers’ of all those who come to them for help.

               I had never thought of it that way, and now, because of realizing that, I’m beginning to think that I am called to be a sister. I had never really embraced the possibility, but the little voice in my head from when I was little never really went away. Talking to some of the Daughters of Saint Paul helped, as they really helped me learn more about what it means to be a sister, not a nun. (Nuns are cloistered, so you’ll never see a nun walking around. But you will see sisters, because they aren't cloistered.)

               So the Dominican sisters might not have even realized how important that talk was for me, and I wish that I could tell them, so I hope one day I can express my gratitude for opening my eyes a little bit.

               

               I’m not saying that I’m going to join the convent tomorrow, but I am thinking about it, which I think the world needs more of. Not to say that the married life isn't holy, because it is. But I feel like people push away the religious life since it’s not socially acceptable. I find that to be really sad.

   Hopefully it’ll change soon.

Hello!

Hello one, hello all!
Welcome to my blog, and I hope you enjoy your stay here.
I suppose I should introduce myself, after all, it’s only what’s proper.

               My name is Jennifer, and I am currently a freshman in my second semester of college. I managed, by some strange turn of fate, to survive the first semester, so I suppose we’ll see how this upcoming one goes.

               I have an absolutely lovely roommate in Emily, and somehow we manage to keep each other sane - or possibly insane… We haven’t quite decided yet. But she makes me pictures and we’re just fabulously nerdy together.

Look at what she made me for Christmas! It sums up how nerdy we are perfectly. :)

               At home my mom, dad, grandma, and, if you want to be facetious, my two dogs, await news regarding college adventures.

               I am the youngest out of two, so I text and call my elder brother, who is at a different college, quite often, and we keep in touch that way. Funnily enough, people often mistake us to be twins. With this assumption comes our slight frustration, and out of this, but more so for our own entertainment, we created our ‘twin birthday’, on July 13, which is in the middle of our birthdays.

               I’m an Austenite, Dickens lover, and all around bookworm, and I am involved in many different fandoms. Included are Sherlock, Doctor Who, Lizzie Bennett Diaries, and many, many more.

Speaking of books that I like and fandoms... Check out what Emily and I made for our heater/air-conditioner at college. (Yes, we named it Smaug.)

               This is my first ‘real’ attempt at having a blog, as I’ve had other small ones in the past, but I never really kept up with them, which ultimately resulted in my forgetting the passwords and/or usernames for the various blogs. So, hopefully, this attempt will have a better result.

               The name of this blog, ‘Paint Me Confuzzled’ comes from a variety of places, but mainly my artistic side and the part of me that is perpetually confused by one thing or another. This confusion is synonymous with curiosity, but ‘Paint Me Confused’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Also, whenever I think of the word confuzzled I end up thinking of Pooh Bear, who will always have a place in my heart.

               I thank you dearly for coming and visiting me, and I do hope that you will come and see me again.